i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
