thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
