ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
