he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
