Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
