She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
