Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
