I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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