i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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