She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize