Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize