Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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