yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
