i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
