that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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