I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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