He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
