Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
