I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I lost the right to judge tonight
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize