This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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