1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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