2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
