She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
