new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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