I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
