I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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