Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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