I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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