It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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