I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
