My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
