This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It's rum buckets o'clock
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
