Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
