Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
