I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
