Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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