So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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