The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
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