Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
