oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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