Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize