I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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