Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
