I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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