so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
