I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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