I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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