eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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