her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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