im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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