I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
