i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
