So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Four minutes until I can fart!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
