when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Boobs are out for the taking
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
