And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
