I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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