My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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