oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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