I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
