Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
