i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
