Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
