did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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