just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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