I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
