yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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