Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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