she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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