All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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