Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
