My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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