oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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