Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
