I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize