You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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