just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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