playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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