Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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