She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
