I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
