The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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