I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
