In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
