I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
