Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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