you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
