Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
