he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
