The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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