You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
