I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize