I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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