So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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