dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
