If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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