you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
