I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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